Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Life is so much better after having sex.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
