we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
