Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
