I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
