Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
