my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
