Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
