I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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