god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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