the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
