There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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