I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
