He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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