remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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