i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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