Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
