can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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