Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
