I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
