omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
