the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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