Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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