i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
