dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
