I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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