yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize