What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
