So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
