3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
