it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
