You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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