got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
