wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
