i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I got her a Nickelback box set.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
