This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
