thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
