Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
