Jerry, you need to find god
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
