I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
