So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
