I don't usually arrange sex via text message
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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