these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize