I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
