Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
