just tell him i said nine months
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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