Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
