so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
