dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Little spoons don't ask big questions
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
