In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
