what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
