My friends, they love my intelligence
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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