would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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