I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
