youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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