Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
