I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
