I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
