Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
