there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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