I hope mine doesn't look like that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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