Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
