I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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