Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
