My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
