I wish I could teleport
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
