So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
