i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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