you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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