I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
