So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
