Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
