Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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