How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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