Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
