I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
