There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
